| i love this fucking song |
[May. 9th, 2009|12:00 pm] |
Here we are in this world.
I don't know how we got here,
But somehow we learned how to live here.
Now our brains are too big for our heads,
They're expanding.
You can order your life through meticulous planning,
But it's a crapshoot
When things unexpectedly start to move faster,
And you try to avert a disaster,
But you can't always get what you're after.
I know you know this.
We all want to feel content,
But need more than a place to shit and to lay a bed.
And if sometimes living doesn't terrify you,
If love doesn't pulverize you,
Then where are you at?
Where's the power in that?
Though it's been nothing but complicated
Since the first time that two people dated,
And your heart makes you deathly afraid,
It's all you've got.
Is it impossible, friend?
Is it only a dream
To find truth in the visions you see?
Or to believe the love that I'm waiting for
Is somewhere waiting for me?
Well maybe the way to get what you want
Is to stop waiting for it to show up.
Have faith in the wind and the rain it will come.
Yeah, everyone feels alone.
Maybe more, maybe less, maybe this year or next
Or when they grow old.
But what a bogus affliction!
It's the human condition,
We all want affection and the sound of
Another heartbeat.
Is it impossible, friend?
Is it only a dream
To find truth in the visions you see?
Or to believe the love that I'm waiting for
Is somewhere waiting for me?
Well maybe the way to get what you want
Is to stop waiting for it to show up.
Have faith in the wind and the rain it will come
(but only if you let it come).
Maybe when this ends
And the stars all call down for me,
It'll finally make sense,
Or just as likely still be mystery.
I don't know where you are, my friend.
I don't know if I'll ever know,
But maybe you'll be there when it's time to go. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2009|12:05 am] |
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Fruit Loops taste like 6am. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 25th, 2009|03:39 pm] |
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It's really amazing to me how some guys can go from hot to gross just by growing a beard. |
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| philly tat |
[Mar. 2nd, 2009|12:37 am] |
I got impatient. |
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| bah |
[Feb. 5th, 2009|10:18 am] |
It feels like -1 degree today, according to weather dot come.
This is unacceptable. I can't wait for spring. |
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| I've decided |
[Jan. 21st, 2009|03:08 am] |
to go to San Francisco next weekend.
I just bought tickets. I feel crazy. |
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| name my bike |
[Jan. 15th, 2009|02:15 am] |
It's bright neon orange with black parts. I can post a picture tomorrow or something. I was going to name it Pony, but my friend doesn't think it really fits. Then I was thinking Tangerine, but that's probably too obvious. I usually do some kind of play on the brand of the bike (my Jazz Voltage is named Volty; my Nashiki is named Hashinka), but there are no decals on this bike, so it doesn't lend itself to brand alliteration. It is a Mercier Kilo TT, though, so then I was like Mercier Kilo... Rilo Kiley... Riley. Riley? But I don't think it's a Riley. I can't decide if it's a girl or boy, either. Yeah, I guess pictures will help...but any input would be stellar. Thanks.
(RGB does not accurately depict how bright this bike is...) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 7th, 2009|11:30 pm] |
Tonight I worked from 11 to 10:30, and most of the day I worked on a charticle (chart/article) about the L-word. I guess it could be worse, but it was a big pain.
Also, a guy called me tonight from some bar in Center City saying that he has my old cell phone (that I lost in a cab in Chinatown) if I want it back. Which is nice, though kind of amazing how long it took him to figure out to which number it belonged.
What else? Oh, I'm sick. Cough, sneezy, snotty, et cetera. Hoping desperately it doesn't turn into another sinus infection. Please? Thanks. |
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| the real 2008 entry |
[Jan. 2nd, 2009|02:59 pm] |
I lost a lover/close friend, a coworker, and then another friend. I also gained two bands, a therapist, a new bike, and on my best of days, a tiny shard of hope.
Blast from my past re-entered my life in '07 complete with sweet nothings, I love yous, kisses I had missed desperately. Everything felt like it might fall into place afterall. Confessions, secrets, distance, crying upon every departure. It was, in a word, intense. Every sadness and longing from the past 2 years spearheaded into a few depressingly short months.
I loved hard, and was heartbroken harder in March. I cried more tears than I knew I had. I was unable to sleep or function. I worried endlessly about her. I had a difficult time taking care of myself. I got really sick. A quack told me that I may have an infection in my heart, and I believed him. Because I was sure I did. I felt like I was dying (part of me was). I got antibiotics (for a whopping combo of simultaneous sinusitis and bronchitis), a new bike (a Nashiki named Hashinka), began therapy with a wonderful lady, and began playing with The Homewreckers. I was finally smiling again by April.
At the beginning of May, I lost my ex-lover/close friend for good. It was horrible, but things finally made sense, at least as much as they ever could. It was/is the most horrible thing I've ever gone through, though I often wonder if it was preferable to perpetually excruciating limbo. I still struggle all the time with blame. Self-blame, blaming her, blaming drugs (not always in that order).
I started Girlcrush, the band version. Getting up and riding my bike to practice was pretty much the only thing that kept me going that summer. Get up and do something. That was pretty much it. I played my first show ever (with Girlcrush) on September 13, 2008. It was exactly 3 years since I had first gone out with her and we played "33rd & Lombard" in her honor.
October I played my first show with The Homewreckers at the last Carnal Knowledge show. November my coworker and a friend both died, which trudged up all of the dirt I hadn't yet heaved from my previous loss. I was seemingly emotionless to any outsider, but I think my body was just exhausted from so much grief.
Had a crazy rager of a birthday party, which was like my miniature New Year's ("24 is over, thank god, that was terrible") complete with getting really drunk and pretty sad. (At least I didn't have to do it again at midnight a couple of days ago.)
December The Homewreckers recorded our first demo. I struggled with the holidays more than ever, but somehow survived.
2008 was the hardest year of my life, no question. But the endeavors that resulted were, if not successful, at least...something. |
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| best ever |
[Jan. 2nd, 2009|10:08 am] |
Me: 2008 sucked. 2009 is my year!
Cristy: 2000 MINE! |
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